To give you a giggle …

To give you a giggle …

I’m bilingual. English is my native tongue, and I also speak German.

I didn’t learn German until I was an adult.

When I first moved to Germany I gave medical intuitive sessions in English, or my ex-husband would act as a translator. But the moment I could, I started giving sessions in German.

I loved the German language, and was determined to speak it as well as I could.

But I made some blunders … Some bad. Some funny. Some that still make me blush.

Blunder Number 1 —

I once told a man there was something wrong with his tortoise. He needed to get it checked out by a doctor asap. When he laughed in response, I said, “Look, this is no laughing matter. You have a serious tortoise problem!”

What I meant to say was that there was something wrong with this thyroid gland. The word for thyroid in German is Schilddrüße. The word for tortoise in German is Schildkröte.

The next time he called for a session he said, “Heh, I’m the guy with the tortoise problem.”

Blunder Number 2 —

At the bakery I asked for a vagina of bread instead of a slice of bread. Vagina is Scheide. Slice is Scheibe. Close, but quite far apart.

The baker gave me a strange look as she wrapped up the bread.

When I told my ex-husband about it, he laughed for a week.

Blunder number 3 —

(This one still makes me cringe …)

I once told an elderly, distinguished gentleman that all his problems would go away if he got laid. He simply needed to have sex—as often as possible.

What I meant to say was that if he lay down on the floor, he could relieve the pressure off his back and it would heal itself.

Because he was Austrian (they have a different accent to Germans) and my German wasn’t good yet, I thought he didn’t understand me. So I kept saying: “You need to get laid. You need to get laid. You need to get laid.”

Later I found out that was his first encounter with a psychic.

I’m sure it was his last.

Lol.

with love,

Belinda
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