Motherhood is darn hard work. Babies are needy, toddlers are demanding and children require constant attention. And for most women, the pre-baby time isn’t easy either: pregnancy is a roller-coaster of changing hormones, birth is intense and painful, and those first months are a fog of lack of sleep and stress with a newborn that is entirely dependent on you.
Yet somehow most women think motherhood should be easy. They believe if they’re a good mum it will all flow effortlessly and early motherhood will be dreamy time of cuddles, connection and lots of cooing. The reality is – it is sometimes like this but mostly it’s a lot of hard work and a huge juggling act!
Most women feel bad about motherhood because they have unrealistic expectations about motherhood and themselves. And to help you stop feeling bad about it, here are the four biggest myths about motherhood that you need to know:
1. I should want to be around my child all the time. (I shouldn’t crave ‘away’ time from my child.)
This is the biggest motherhood myth, hands down. Many women buy into the belief that a ‘good Mum’ always wants to be around their children, and always is.
The truth is – we all need time away from our children and other people so that we can recharge our batteries. If you believe this motherhood myth, you are on the sure-fire path to pure exhaustion!
2. I should be able to have my child home with me all day. (I shouldn’t be yearning to have a break and to stop having to look after and entertain my child all day.)
This myth is hard to bust with those women that believe that their children are best off at home with them all day.
I’m a big advocate for fostering deep connection and intimacy with our children – which means spending lots of time with them – but children need other children – (not just their siblings) and children’s activities and entertainment.
It’s been my experience that many children who are kept home and not given the opportunity to go to daycare or regularly meet up with other kids are bored. The mums are horrified when I tell them this because they are devoting their whole days to trying to make their kids happy (but they are also secretly relieved because they are exhausted!).
Do yourself and your child/children a favour. Make sure you give your kids ‘children time’ which you aren’t responsible for creating, and make sure you give yourself ‘adult time.’
3. I should always put my child first, and me second. (I shouldn’t crave to want to look after me.)
My dear mamas, if you believe this you are in for a very tough journey of motherhood!
A healthy mum puts herself first because she knows that many people depend on her well-being and strength. A clever mum makes sure she is looking after her own energy, first and foremost, because her energy largely determines how the day will unfold.
A good mum always puts herself first, knowing that self-love is the highest spiritual attribute and will create health and abundance for her and her family.
4. I should have had a better birth. (I shouldn’t have put my baby through such a traumatic birth.)
This is a motherhood myth that many spiritually minded women buy into – they feel bad for not having the ‘perfect’ water/lotus/natural/orgasmic birth.
Honestly, all a woman can do in labour is her best. Of course, eating right, exercising, meditating etc. helps, but ultimately we can only do our best, and if it wasn’t what you planned but your baby is happy and healthy, be grateful for that!
(And get over the guilt! Feelings of guilt or hating-on-yourself make your hormones plummet and drastically decrease your immune function).
You can be the best mum you can be by looking after yourself and your own energy. If your energy works, so does your life and motherhood becomes so much easier.
with love,
Belinda
