There is a whirlwind within me, and it’s gaining momentum and speed.
When I practice presence or mindfulness, I no longer feel anchored in the sure-footedness of the ‘here and now.’ I no longer feel stable or peaceful.
Instead, when I move away from the chaos of my mind into the centre of my being, I’m propelled into a sea of chaos within. And it isn’t ‘mind’ generated. It’s ‘being’ generated.
Initially, this was a jolting and somewhat scary experience for me because presence has always been my anchor. As soon as I’d disidentify from the thoughts and chaos of my mind, and ‘get present,’ I’d feel centered, balanced and clear.
Being present was my rock, but now it’s more like a rocket.
When I now enter the portal of presence, I find myself surrounded by chaos, uncertainty and a lack of ‘linearness.’ Like a ping pong ball, I’m being catapulted around the cosmos, shooting in different directions without orientation.
Presence used to anchor and stabilise me. Nowadays it disorientates and destabilises me, and this experience has been extremely challenging.
Losing that ‘anchored’ feeling in presence took some getting used to. At the beginning it frightened me because I thought I could always rely on presence to make me feel centred and clear.
Ping ponging around the cosmos so fast, felt completely disorientating and fragmented. I felt so completely turned ‘upside down’ and without footing, that I no longer knew who I was.
Where had the peace gone in presence? Why was it replaced by discord?
Was I no longer doing my mindfulness practices correctly?
The more I focused on the present moment, leaving behind the mind and its worry, anxiety and left-brain constructs, the more chaotic my inner world became.
On some days I felt like I had exploded into millions of pieces, and that each piece was trying to find its way back to the unity of the whole me.
I felt stranded in the cosmos, an array of blinking lights that had lost their conglomeration.
This deeply disturbed me, until I realised this is how it should be. I need to be deconstructed, so that I could be reconstructed. I needed to completely fall apart and not try to piece myself together again.
At the time, a mentorship client recommended that I read Penny Peirce’s books. I had many “Yes! I know!” moments with her book ‘Frequency,’ which I read in two days. And I’m still working with and studying her book ‘Leap of Perception.’ It’s brilliant.
(Penny Peirce is a gifted intuitive empath, respected visionary, and pioneer in the field of intuition development and consciousness transformation. She is known for her common-sense approach to spirituality and the development of expanded human capacities, and for her ability to translate sophisticated concepts into useful practices. I love these types of spiritual people!)
While I was talking to a wise soul and dear friend about my experiences with chaos in presence, she said, “Belinda, your orientation in these changing times is your complete disorientation. Instead of aiming to feel sure-footed, you should aim to feel slippery-footed.”
Bing! Light bulb moment in the dull depths of my foggy and fragmented brain….
Instead of searching for harmony and order, I’II aim for anarchy and chaos. I can do that. That’s easy because it is what is already happening to me!
Our orientation now is disorientation. We need to accept the slippery-footedness of these times.
We need to swim, spin and marinate in chaos until we are rewired and our reptile and left hand brain structures dominance and are replaced with an higher order.
If you feel like you are in a washing machine and are being cleaned, soaked and spun at high speed, that is a fairly accurate description of these changing times.
Many of us are also feel hypersensitive, disorientated, jolted, overwhelmed, easily exhausted, fragmented, foggy and like we must change our lives completely but we don’t know how to do this.
If you, like me, no longer sense peace or anchoring in presence, it is because your energy is moving rapidly into your higher chakras and you are being quickly rewired.
Surrender to the internal chaos. This will make the transition much easier.
Sending you White Light, support and courage for these challenging and changing times.
in White Light + Love,
Belinda
[…] having a whirlwind of an energetic upgrade last November, I asked the Universe to help me out, and it did (of course) by bringing Leap of Perception into my […]