For many years I suffered because I was born a deep thinker.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve been contemplating the greater meaning of life, wanting to know and understand how ‘it all works.’
When I was a small child, my constant questions and inquiries about life and God were heralded wondrous, the probing mind of a highly intelligent child, but as I grew older, my depth began to annoy people, and what was so readily embraced and encouraged in my early childhood years, became disapproved of.
As I became aware of this disapproval, I learnt not to ask the ‘wrong questions.’ I learnt not to ask questions or try to understand things about God and religion that were obviously contradictory and inconsistent.
I learnt not to ask people how they felt about life and our journey here on earth, and I also learnt not to ask adults questions about things they may not know about. Otherwise I’d be berated and bullied for “sticking my nose into things that didn’t concern me.”
I was constantly told not to “act so old for my age,” but I couldn’t help it. Wanting to know all about God and life burned so hot inside of me, that I desperately thirsted for truth. And I hoped that adults could enlighten me on it.
(When I was 2 years old, I asked my mother how babies came about. After she had explained it to me, I then asked how one stops babies being born. My mother gave me the contraception talk while I was still wearing nappies to bed at night.)
I not only learnt to hide my depth by suppressing my questions and inquiries, I also did it by suppressing my interests.
In my teenage years, like so many teens, desperate to belong, I took on another persona. I pretended not to love philosophy, languages, the arts, the esoteric and serene environments, and to love drinking, smoking, gossip, heavy metal music, flannelette shirts and black jeans. (Actually, I do like tight black jeans!)
I thought, if I could immerse myself in the small-talk world, where boob size, beer, hot surfer boyfriends, girlie flirtatiousness and beach parties were the highest priority, I could find a community and feel good about myself. I wanted to be a part of a soul tribe.
But no matter how hard I tried to care about who was going out with who, who was wearing what designer label, and who had gotten the most drunk at a party last weekend, I simply couldn’t muster the strength to sincerely become interested in what my other peers valued. This was intuitively felt by my friends, and I then became criticized for being a snob and aloof.
Deeply fearing complete alienation and knowing that being true to what I loved would exclude me from my tribe indefinitely, I stopped being sincere, and that other persona I had taken on, became a real pseudo personality.
I was not only faking it now, I had sold a piece of my soul to conformity.
Of course, selling myself to belong only caused me deeper pain. I may have been a cool girl in school, and had the approval of my tribe, but I was empty, fragmented and lonely.
What saved me from my plight was moving to Germany.
Finding my tribe in the most unexpected of places
In 2001, I moved to Germany (I ended up spending 7 years of my life there.) I was 21, and was instantly accepted by people, depth and all.
Not only that, the people I met in Germany loved and cherished my depth because they were deep too. They spent their Saturday evenings in quiet cafes, sipping peppermint tea and talking about the meaning of life.
They loved to dwell and ponder the mysteries of the Universe and they were turned on by the transcendental. They meditated, did yoga and regularly took spiritual retreats.
For the first time in my life, I felt completely accepted and understood. I had found my soul tribe; a tribe of people with whom I jived. Now I could relax, stop pretending and be myself.
Instead of feeling different and dumb, I felt cherished and supported. This boosted my self-esteem, and when your self-esteem is intact, life works. (Finding my soul tribe was the main reason why I began working as a medical intuitive in my early twenties. It gave me the courage to ‘come out of the closet’ about being psychic.)
How to find your soul tribe
On reflection, I now understand that if I had had a healthier self-esteem, I wouldn’t have had to wait until I was 21 to find my tribe.
If I had worked on improving my self-esteem, I would have easily found like-minded, soul-searching people in my hometown because I would have drawn them to me, or caused them to show up in my life.
Most people are searching and waiting to find their tribe instead of boosting their own self-esteem and allowing themselves to be whoever they feel most comfortable being.
Feel good in your own skin, and your tribe will show up.
For most of us, though, that is easier said than done. Most of us find it hard to accept ourselves and others they way we/they are. We fear that if we accept difference – to allow ourselves and others to be how we/they are – we drop our standards and have to passively put up with that which we don’t resonate with.
If I had accepted in my teens that I valued different things than my peers, I could have been gentler on myself and on them.
I would have not forced myself to be fake, and I wouldn’t have secretly loathed my peers. I was not a good friend to them or myself because I ‘rejected’ them and ‘neglected’ me.
A sure-fire way to prevent your soul tribe from showing up is being hyper-sensitive and hyper-critical about others differences.
Spending time examining other people’s flaws, nit-picking, psycho-analysing them or mentally spending time thinking about what others should and shouldn’t do, pushes people away. Even if you don’t express your opinions about other people, they will energetically feel that you don’t approve of them.
It is my experience, that the loneliest people are the most critical, and the happiest people, are the most accepting.
If you want to be surrounded by loving people, a tribe of like-minded souls that encourage and empower you, try feeling good in your own skin and letting them feel good in theirs. In no time at all, you’ll have so many genuine friends, that your social calendar will be permanently booked out.
Wishing you the greatest success in finding your soul tribe!
in White Light + Love,
Belinda
Liebe Belinda, dein wunderbarer Text passt so genau zu meinem inneren
Konflikt. Eigene Selbstachtung und ein gutes Selbstwertgefühl sind der
Schlüssel. Da kann ich noch wachsen!
Surely I am also belonging to the deep thinker tribe! Und ich freue mich darin
auch eine Qualität der Deutschen zu sehen.
Vielen herzlichen Dank für all deine Inspirationen!!!!
Grüsse Christiane
Liebe Christiane,
Ja, die Deutschen sind ganz toll!
Thankyou for such a mature post. It is so relevant for me ATM and I’m in my forties! I will certainly be taking your advice 🙂
You’re welcome Barbara!
I love this post! I can relate so deeply! I remember being all through grade school and feeling so weird because I didn’t make grabbing boys’ attention my #1 priority like every other girl did. I felt to left out when I wanted to talk about deeper things like what’s going on in the world and all the other girls just wanted to gossip about everyone else and talk about boys (again).
As I’ve grown I’ve realized that the world is alot more expansive than what we know when we’re younger. And that you’ll attract the right people when you are finally comfortable being unabashedly you.
You’re article pleads for all of us to be authentic and true to ourselves…as we grow we realize that this is exactly how we should be living. Each and every day I get closer to my own truth, and I encourage others to do the same!
Hi Nancy,
Yes, here’s to being deep! and authentic and true to our natural selves!
Thanks so much for a beautiful post, this is so relevant to me right now! I most definitely know I need to work on self esteem & self acceptance big time. Thank you xxxx
Thank you xxxx.
Wow, I had a feeling of dejavu reading this…checked the date at the top to confirm that NO, I couldn’t have read it a few weeks ago.
Thanks for your writing, always a pleasure to read and reasonate. Authenticity is a theme the universe seems to be teaching me lately.
Best wishes, Karen
Thank you Karen.
Best wishes to you too.
I found you just yesterday but it seems I’ve known your presence for a long time! So amazing! I only found my true spiritual path 2 years ago but since then amazing things have been happening to me and my family all the time! We’ve learnt how to be ever grateful, non-judgmental, loving and caring for ourselves and others and how to let miracles enter into our life and appreciate the present time. Whenever I feel I am at a turning point or entering ‘the next level’ however we want to call it, I seek for answers and I always tend to find them because I trust the universe and its way how it works. And in this case it has brought me to you! Right in time, right when I needed to get to hear your voice and the things you are sharing! I’m again so grateful for the universe for the internet that brings people closer and help them find each other! We’re a globetrotting family who while seeks for answers about life we are constantly traveling and discovering different part of the world and by this we are able to learn so much in each culture! We’ve lived in many countries and on many continents and I have found my closest soul tribe interestingly enough in an Asian country then by moving back to Europe, now we live in a Latin country, I don’t seem to find my soul tribe anywhere near me only virtually for that I’m also grateful but I’m missing personal contacts with these wonderful beings.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings it’s so good to read about them! Have a beautiful day to everyone!
So nothing is wrong with me? I am German who lives in Australia. Oftentimes I see myself as negative because I am a deep (or as I was once marked:) over- thinker and that does not always sit with the Ozzy attitude. I love living in Australia, because of the sun, nature and lighthearted attitude of the people. Yet I sometimes yearn for a circle where I can give my thinking space and my voice a deeper expression of my thoughts. I am glad to be here Belinda!
Oh wow – this is so me!
I’m 24 and have always been a spiritual kid. I suppressed it in my teens in order to fit in and not look like a weirdo – but I’m letting it all out again!
I bought a one way ticket by myself (currently living in Paris) and still haven’t found my soul tribe. Though there are a lot of people online who I know I’d click with instantly in real life! I really can’t wait to have a good group of people in my life that I can discuss the deep / spiritual stuff with. It’s so important!
Hello Belinda!
As a child I asked my mother, where were I before being born. She said: Nowhere!
I just as a 2 years old told her I was a little light in the sky between the stars!As my mother could not understand me, I also stopped being myself, hiding my qualities from the others. Got depressed, than did Silva Mind Control( I was 40…) stopped my work and opened an alternative medicine business and further on spiritual path: Tolle , Braden,Drunvallow. As I read your list of 10 most spiritual books, I had already read 5 of them. And that decided me to buy the 5 others and to do the Chakra Journey with you, liberating my true self again after all those years… The last years I did mostly artwork ( marble sculpture) because I thought I had to think of MY LIFE now. Thanks for your loving presence . I found my tribe in the FB group!
Lovely meaningful blog, Belinda, thank you. Yes, it can be a lonely road sometimes but by the grace of many beautiful beings, somewhere along the path, you meet fellow travellers. I guess we should always realise that we are never alone.