What!? Are we really at the end of 2017? My goodness, where did this year go?
I honestly don’t know. Suddenly it was January 1st, 2017, and just as suddenly it’s almost January 1st, 2018. This year felt like a shinkansen (bullet train). In a blink of an eye, it’s passed.
If you’re anything like me, you also found this year challenging. It was difficult, stretching, and confronting. It was shadowy.
For me it was a year of deep revelations and even deeper lessons. I learned a ton. I cried a ton. And truth be told, I struggled a ton, too.
Yep. 2017 was a year of shadow work. I was confronted with my deepest and darkest fears and limitations, and with brilliant, and also brutal clarity, I witnessed my own excuses, denials, and resignations.
I saw exactly how I wasn’t living and being my greatest self. And how, exactly, I was denying myself this.
With striking illumination, I saw my vices. My excuses. My (small) addictions. My petty thoughts. My comparisons. My negative internal dialogue. My silly and noisy mind chatter.
I saw how and when I wasn’t showing up. When I was checking out instead of staying present. When I was reaching for that cup of coffee or that piece of chocolate or my iPhone to text friends or—God forbid!—post on social media instead of sitting still and patiently waiting for the muse to show up so my creativity can flow and I can begin my day’s work of writing my latest book.
I saw how I wasn’t exercising my body enough; I saw how I was eating too much sugar. How I was turning to Netflix instead of ploughing on, instead of draining the very last drop of my creative juice before I call it quits for the day. (My excuse: but I’m watching high quality art films and dramas!)
I witnessed how my thoughts were lingering upon and rehashing to-do-lists and tasks and chores that were unimportant; how I was recycling long-ago-had conversations in my mind, or making up conversations that, perhaps, one day I’II have. All of this keeping me unplugged from my creativity and the door closed to my muse.
I clearly saw how much I (still) hold my creativity at bay.
I clearly saw how much more work I (still) need to do to commit to life as a writer.
I also clearly saw what I really (and only) want to do, and what I really (and only) want to be: an author, artist, and stage performer.
And how this realisation terrified and petrified me. And that how this deep, deep fear was preventing me from truly aligning with the deep, deep passions of my heart for fear I may fail or not make it …
All of this, this year, was brilliantly and brutally illuminated.
Yes, this year rocked my world. Yes, it destroyed (any remaining) castles in the air. Yes, it brought me to my knees. And it made me cry—in pain and in joy.
But it also brought me immense illumination: the precious gift of clear seeing and clear knowing.
2017 brought me clarity and insight, so that I can forge ahead into 2018 bravely and boldly.
Now I know how to release 2017 and how to make 2018 my best year yet.
It’s my sincerest wish for you that you’re able to do the same.
with love,
Belinda
